You’ve been treating symptoms.
The anxiety. The anger. The weight. The comparison. The control. The numbness.
You’ve tried everything to manage them. Every strategy, every technique, every self-help solution.
And maybe it works for a little while. Maybe you get some relief. But then the pattern comes back. The struggle resurfaces. The burden returns.
Because you’ve been treating symptoms, not sources.
You’ve been putting band-aids on wounds that need surgery. You’ve been managing the surface while the root keeps growing deeper.
And until you’re willing to go beneath the surface – until you’re willing to ask “where did this come from?” – you’ll keep cycling through the same struggles.
Today is Day 8 of the Unshakeable journey. We’re starting Week 2: Understanding. And we’re going deeper than you’ve gone before.
But before we dive in…
Welcome to Graceful Growth in Midlife. I’m Toresa.
If you’re new here, this podcast is where we navigate cultural chaos and personal struggles with biblical clarity and grace. We’re figuring this out together…creating unshakeable faith in an unstable world!
Before we jump in, if you haven’t joined the free Unshakeable: 21-Day Faith Journey yet, you can sign up at thegracefulgrowth.com/unshakeable. It’s a complete downloadable workbook with daily emails walking you through Discovery, Understanding, and Healing – designed to help you build unshakeable faith in an unstable world.
Now, here’s the thing – this is called a 21-day journey, but you don’t have to do it in 21 consecutive days. You can work through it at your own pace. Take time to absorb. Sit with the hard questions. Some days might need more than one day. And that’s completely okay. This isn’t a race. It’s about depth, not speed.
Also, if you find you need more space for journaling than what’s provided in the workbook, there are additional journal pages in the back. Use them. Fill them up. This is YOUR journey, and you get to make it work for you.
And these episodes? They’re your companion content, going even deeper into each day’s themes.
Alright. Let’s get into this.
So you made it through Week 1: Discovery.
You named your struggles. You identified strongholds and lies. You looked honestly at who you are. You made your burden list. You traced the ripple effect. You painted a vision of freedom.
That’s huge. That’s the foundation.
But now we’re moving from “what’s wrong” to “where did this come from?”
Because understanding the what without understanding the why keeps you stuck in management mode.
You can manage symptoms forever. You can cope. You can compensate. You can develop strategies.
But you can’t heal what you don’t understand.
And Week 2 is about understanding.
James 1:5 says “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”
Wisdom. Understanding. Insight into what’s really going on beneath the surface.
That’s what we’re asking God for this week.
Not just “help me stop being angry.” But “show me where this anger is coming from. What wound is it protecting? What lie is it fueled by?”
Not just “help me stop comparing myself.” But “show me what I’m really looking for when I compare. What need am I trying to meet? What void am I trying to fill?”
Not just “help me lose weight.” But “show me what I’m really hungry for. What am I using food to cope with? What am I afraid to feel?”
See the difference?
We’re going deeper. Beneath the symptom to the source. Beneath the behavior to the belief. Beneath the pattern to the pain.
And I’m not going to lie to you – this week is going to be harder than last week.
Because looking at the surface is uncomfortable. But looking at the roots? That’s painful.
It requires you to go back to places you’ve been avoiding. To examine wounds you’ve tried to forget. To connect dots you didn’t want to connect.
But here’s what I need you to hear: you can’t heal what you won’t look at.
Avoidance doesn’t make the wound go away. It just makes it fester. Denial doesn’t heal the root. It just lets it grow deeper.
So this week, we’re asking God to show us what we can’t see on our own. To reveal the source beneath the symptom. To give us wisdom and courage to go where we need to go.
Are you ready?
PART 1: Looking at Your Burden List Differently
The first question in your workbook today asks: Looking at your burden list from Day 5, what do you think might be the root cause beneath the surface symptoms?
So go back to Day 5. Look at what you wrote.
What specific burdens did you name? What patterns, habits, struggles?
Now let me show you how to look at those burdens differently.
Example 1: The Weight Struggle
Surface symptom: “I’m 40 pounds heavier than I want to be. I can’t seem to lose the weight no matter what I try.”
Now here’s where it’s important to understand – weight struggles don’t all have the same root.
Root cause question for some: What are you really hungry for?
Maybe the root is: “I use food to numb emotions I don’t know how to process. When I’m stressed, anxious, lonely, or bored, I eat. Food is the only comfort I know how to access.”
Or maybe: “I’m punishing myself. I hate my body, so I abuse it with food. The weight is both the problem and the shield – it keeps me hidden, keeps me safe from vulnerability.”
But for others, it’s not about food at all.
Root cause question for others: Why is your body holding onto the weight?
Maybe the root is: “My body is in chronic fight-or-flight mode. I’m holding so much stress that my cortisol levels are through the roof. My body thinks it’s under threat, so it’s clinging to every pound as survival. The question isn’t ‘what am I eating?’ It’s ‘why am I living in constant stress? What am I so afraid of that my body won’t let its guard down?'”
Or maybe: “I don’t feel safe in my body. Whether from past trauma, abuse, or violation – my body learned that being smaller, being visible, being desired was dangerous. The weight is protection. A shield. And until I address why I don’t feel safe, my body will keep protecting me the only way it knows how.”
Or maybe: “I’m carrying everyone else’s emotional weight. I absorb stress from my kids, my spouse, my job, my aging parents. I’m the emotional dumping ground for everyone around me. And my body is literally holding all that weight because I don’t know how to set boundaries or say no.”
See how completely different those roots are?
Same symptom – the weight. But for some people it’s about food and emotional eating. For others it’s about chronic stress and fight-or-flight. For others it’s about safety and protection. For others it’s about boundaries and carrying what isn’t theirs.
And until you identify YOUR root – not someone else’s, but yours – you’ll keep trying solutions that don’t address your actual problem.
Example 2: The Anger
Surface symptom: “I’m angry all the time. I snap at my kids. I’m irritable with my husband. I rage at traffic.”
Root cause question: What is the anger protecting?
Maybe the root is: “I’m hurt. Deeply hurt by someone who was supposed to protect me. And anger feels powerful. Anger feels like I’m doing something. If I let go of the anger and feel the hurt underneath, I’m afraid I’ll be consumed by it.”
Or maybe: “I’m scared. Life feels out of control and anger gives me an illusion of control. If I’m angry enough, maybe I can force things to go my way. If I let go of the anger, I have to face how powerless I actually am.”
Or maybe: “I’m exhausted. I’m carrying way too much and no one sees it. The anger is my body’s way of saying ‘I can’t keep doing this’ when I don’t have permission to actually stop.”
Same symptom – anger. But very different roots. And the healing path is different depending on what’s underneath.
Example 3: The Anxiety
Surface symptom: “I worry about everything. I can’t sleep. I catastrophize. I need to control everything or I panic.”
Root cause question: What are you afraid will happen if you let your guard down?
Maybe the root is: “Something bad happened when I wasn’t vigilant. I was hurt when I trusted. I was betrayed when I let my guard down. So now I stay on high alert because being caught off guard feels dangerous.”
Or maybe: “I learned early that I’m responsible for everyone’s wellbeing. If I don’t hold it all together, everything falls apart. So I can’t rest. I can’t let go. Because if I do, people I love will suffer.”
Or maybe: “I don’t trust God. I say I do. But deep down, I believe if I’m not managing everything myself, it won’t get done. My anxiety is evidence that I’m trying to be my own savior.”
Same symptom – anxiety. But the root reveals what the real issue is.
Example 4: The Comparison
Surface symptom: “I compare myself to everyone. Social media destroys me. I can’t celebrate other people’s wins without feeling like I’m losing.”
Root cause question: What are you really looking for when you compare?
Maybe the root is: “I’m trying to figure out if I’m okay. If I measure myself against others and I’m doing better, I feel temporarily secure. If I’m doing worse, I feel like I’m failing at life. Comparison is how I determine my worth.”
Or maybe: “I don’t have a sense of self. I don’t know who I am apart from how I stack up. So I’m constantly looking outside myself for validation because I have no internal anchor.”
Or maybe: “I’m jealous. Someone else has what I desperately want and it’s easier to resent them than to grieve what I don’t have. Comparison lets me stay angry instead of sad.”
Same symptom – comparison. But very different roots requiring very different healing.
Do you see what we’re doing?
We’re not just looking at the behavior. We’re asking: What’s underneath this? Where did this pattern come from? What need is it trying to meet? What wound is it protecting?
Because once you see the root, you can actually address it.
You can’t heal “I just need more willpower.” But you can heal “I use food to numb emotions because I never learned how to process them.”
You can’t heal “I just need to eat less and exercise more.” But you can heal “My body is in chronic fight-or-flight mode because I’m carrying stress I was never meant to carry.”
You can’t heal “I just need to calm down.” But you can heal “I’m angry because I’m hurt and I don’t know how to grieve.”
You can’t heal “I just need to stop worrying.” But you can heal “I’m anxious because I don’t trust God and I’m trying to be my own savior.”
The root is where healing happens.
PART 2: What Question Do You Need to Ask God?
The second question asks: What question do you need to ask God about where this struggle really started?
And this is so important because we often don’t know what we don’t know.
We see the symptom. We might even sense there’s something deeper. But we can’t see the root ourselves.
That’s where God comes in.
Psalm 139:23-24 says “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
God, search me. Show me what I can’t see on my own.
So what question do you need to ask Him?
Let me give you some examples.
If your struggle is people-pleasing:
“God, when did I start believing my worth was tied to making everyone happy? Where did I learn that I’m only valuable if I’m useful? When did I stop believing I could be loved for who I am instead of what I do?”
If your struggle is control:
“God, when did I start believing everything would fall apart if I wasn’t holding it all together? What happened that made me stop trusting You with outcomes? When did I take on the burden of being everyone’s savior?”
If your struggle is shame:
“God, when did I start believing I was fundamentally flawed? Who told me I was too much or not enough? What message did I absorb about my worth that’s been shaping my life ever since?”
If your struggle is weight/food:
“God, when did food become my comfort instead of You? What void am I trying to fill with eating? What emotion am I afraid to feel that I’m medicating with food?”
Or if your weight struggle isn’t about food:
“God, why is my body holding onto this weight? Why am I living in constant fight-or-flight? What am I so stressed about that my body won’t let its guard down? What am I carrying that isn’t mine to carry?”
If your struggle is comparison:
“God, when did I start looking to others to tell me if I’m okay? When did I lose my sense of self and start defining myself by how I measure up? What am I really looking for when I compare?”
If your struggle is anger:
“God, what hurt is underneath this anger? What wound is it protecting? When did I learn that anger was safer than grief? What am I really afraid of if I let go of the rage?”
See what we’re doing?
We’re not asking God to fix the symptom. We’re asking Him to reveal the source.
And here’s what I’ve learned: God is faithful to answer these prayers.
Not always immediately. Not always in the way we expect. But He does answer.
Sometimes He brings a memory to mind. Something you haven’t thought about in years. And suddenly you see the connection.
Sometimes He uses a conversation. Someone says something and it clicks – “Oh. That’s where this started.”
Sometimes He uses Scripture. You read a passage and it’s like He’s speaking directly to your situation, showing you what you needed to see.
Sometimes He uses circumstances. Something happens that mirrors the original wound and you realize “This feeling is familiar. I’ve felt this before. When was the first time?”
God is not hiding the truth from you. He wants you to see it. He wants you to understand it. Because understanding is the path to healing.
But you have to ask. You have to invite Him into the investigation.
So write down your question. The specific thing you need God to show you about where your struggle really started.
And then pray it. Not once. But repeatedly. Every day this week.
“God, show me where this anger is coming from.”
“God, reveal the root of my people-pleasing.”
“God, help me understand why my body is holding onto this stress.”
Ask. Seek. Knock.
And trust that He will answer.
PART 3: Are You Willing to See Something Painful?
The third question is the hardest: Are you willing to let God reveal something painful or uncomfortable if it leads to healing?
Because here’s the thing – you might ask God to show you the root, but when He starts to reveal it, you might not like what you see.
It might be painful. It might be uncomfortable. It might require you to acknowledge something you’ve been denying.
So before you ask, you need to settle this question: Am I willing to see it even if it hurts?
Let me tell you what might come up when God starts revealing roots.
You might have to acknowledge you were hurt by someone you love.
Maybe it was a parent. Maybe it was a spouse. Maybe it was a church leader or a friend.
And acknowledging that they hurt you feels like betrayal. Feels disloyal. Feels like you’re making them the villain.
But naming the hurt doesn’t mean you don’t love them. It doesn’t mean they’re all bad. It just means you’re getting honest about what happened and how it affected you.
You might have to face trauma you’ve minimized.
“It wasn’t that bad.” “Other people had it worse.” “I shouldn’t still be affected by this.”
But minimizing doesn’t make it less real. And the fact that someone else’s trauma was “worse” doesn’t mean yours didn’t leave a wound.
God might show you that what you’ve been dismissing as “no big deal” was actually a big deal. And it’s okay to grieve it.
You might have to admit you’ve been believing lies.
Lies you absorbed from culture. From family. From painful experiences.
And realizing you’ve been living according to lies for years – maybe decades – is hard. It feels like wasted time. Like you should have known better.
But you didn’t know. You believed what you were taught. You internalized what you experienced.
And now God is showing you the truth so you can be set free.
You might have to acknowledge your own sin.
Not just what was done to you, but what you’ve done in response.
The bitterness you’ve held onto. The unforgiveness you’ve nursed. The ways you’ve hurt others because you were hurting.
And that’s uncomfortable. Because it’s easier to stay in victim mode than to acknowledge “I’ve been sinned against AND I’ve sinned.”
But freedom requires both. Acknowledging the hurt done to you. And acknowledging the hurt you’ve done in response.
You might have to let go of control.
Because as long as you don’t know the root, you can keep managing the symptom. You can keep trying strategies. You can stay in control.
But once you see the root, you have to surrender it to God. You have to trust Him with the healing process. You can’t manage your way through this.
And letting go of control is terrifying for some of us.
So are you willing?
Are you willing to let God reveal something painful if it leads to healing?
Are you willing to acknowledge hurt you’ve been denying? To face trauma you’ve minimized? To see lies you’ve believed? To confess sin you’ve committed? To surrender control you’ve been clinging to?
Because healing requires honesty. And honesty requires courage.
And you can’t have it both ways. You can’t ask God to show you the root while simultaneously protecting yourself from seeing it.
So before you ask, settle this in your heart: “God, I’m willing to see whatever You need to show me. Even if it hurts. Even if it’s uncomfortable. Even if it requires something from me. I’m willing. Because I trust that Your healing is worth the pain of the revelation.”
That’s the prayer of someone who’s ready for breakthrough.
PRACTICAL APPLICATION
So here’s your action step for today.
In your workbook, answer those three questions:
- Looking at your burden list from Day 5, what do you think might be the root cause beneath the surface symptoms?
- What question do you need to ask God about where this struggle really started?
- Are you willing to let God reveal something painful or uncomfortable if it leads to healing?
Don’t rush through this. This is deep work.
And then pray. This is the most important part.
Pray the prayer from the action step:
“God, show me the root of [specific struggle]. I’m willing to see what You want to reveal, even if it’s hard. Give me courage and wisdom.”
Pray it today. Pray it tomorrow. Pray it all week.
Because God is faithful. He will show you what you need to see. He will give you wisdom. He will reveal the source beneath the symptom.
But you have to ask. And you have to be willing to see.
You’re officially in Week 2: Understanding. This week is going to stretch you. It’s going to require courage. But it’s also going to set you free.
The complete Unshakeable: 21-Day Faith Journey workbook is waiting for you at thegracefulgrowth.com/unshakeable. It’s free – workbook, daily emails, all of it.
Next time, we’re diving into Day 9: The Childhood Connection. Because many of our current struggles have roots in formative experiences. And we’re going to compassionately examine those early wounds with adult understanding.
If this resonated with you, subscribe so you don’t miss what’s coming. And I’d love to hear from you – leave a comment below!
Thanks for being here. I’ll see you next time.
