Hey grace seekers,
I need to be honest with you.
I never lost sight of God… but I stopped listening.
I got angry.
Really angry.
And I started seeking peace in all the wrong places.
Maybe you have too?
Today, as we step into December, I want to invite you into something I’m still walking through – preparing our hearts, not just our homes, for Christmas.
See, I’ve always talked to God. Conversational prayer throughout the day. That part never stopped.
But somewhere along the way? I stopped listening. I let life events dictate my reactions. I let personal pain and the ugliness of the world fill me with anger and frustration. And I started reaching for things that promised to help me feel… something other than what I was feeling.
Manifestation. Affirmations. Inspirational podcasts. Anything but Him.
Here’s the thing. I never lost sight of God. But I also didn’t seek Him with my whole heart. I didn’t trust Him.
Even though He’d done miracles in my life, I was mad at Him. Blamed Him for allowing things to happen.
When really?
It was my choices. I’d allowed others to influence me. I’d become the victim again.
But about a year ago, God started whispering. Calling me back.
And the way He’s been opening my eyes? It’s been incredible. And hard. And definitely not instant.
So today, I’m not teaching you something I figured out. I’m inviting you into something I’m still learning.
Because maybe you’ve been walking a similar road. And if you have? You’re not alone.
SECTION 1: THE DRIFT – How I Got Here
Let me take you back a bit.
For years—honestly, most of my adult life—I lived in what I’d call a “safe bubble.”
I avoided the news. I didn’t pay attention to politics. I knew some things were going on in the world, but I just… ignored it.
Because what’s the point, right? Politicians never face justice. The bad guys always get away with it. So why torture myself?
But then COVID happened.
And I don’t know about you, but that was the moment everything shifted for me.
Drop a comment and let me know—did COVID change something in you too?
We were bombarded. The rules. The daily stats. The constant fear-mongering.
Now, I was blessed. I had a great job. I had Security. But so many others were struggling. And I felt the isolation—even though honestly? I didn’t follow the lockdown rules very well.
But here’s what got me. I could see it was fake. Manufactured.
I’m not denying people got sick and some badly, and that hurt but I hated the lies. The brainwashing. The manipulation.
And watching people I regarded as highly intelligent—people I respected—just… fall for it? Like sheep?
That’s what broke something in me.
And then they judged me. For my opinions. For questioning the narrative. For not going along with it.
The anger I saw in people—people I would never have expected it to come from—it was shocking.
And it made me angry too.
That was the true start of my fall.
Not just at the government or the media. But at everything.
At people who hurt me personally and never faced consequences.
At the injustice in the world—the corruption, the abuse of power.
At the sheep who refused to see what was right in front of them.
And at God, for allowing it all to happen.
And in that place, I started reaching for things that promised peace.
Manifestation. Positive thinking. Inspirational podcasts. Even shopping therapy!
I didn’t even realize I was dabbling in New Age stuff. It just felt like… self-help. Like I was trying to take control of my life again. But none of it worked. In fact, I went deeper and deeper in the wrong direction.
It wasn’t until more recently that I started going down those rabbit holes online. Researching. Reading. Watching videos. And the more I learned, the angrier I got.
Jeremiah 2:13 says this: “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.”
And that was me. I’d walked away from the Source – not completely, but enough – and I was trying to fill myself with things that couldn’t actually satisfy.
Have you ever felt like you were reaching for all the wrong things, trying to find peace? Comment below. I’d love to hear your story.
SECTION 2: THE ANGER – What Was Consuming Me
So let’s talk about the anger.
Because it wasn’t just general frustration. It was specific. It was deep.
And it was eating me alive.
Personal justice?
There were people in my life who had hurt me. Deeply. And they never faced consequences. Never apologized. Never even acknowledged what they’d done.
And I wanted them to pay. I wanted justice. I wanted accountability. I
wanted them to hurt the way they’d hurt me.
And then there was Worldly evil…
The injustice in the world. The people getting away with horrific acts. Political abuse. Corruption. Greedy politicians seeking to destroy us for their own gain. All of it happening with no accountability.
And I wanted to see them suffer. I wanted them to experience the pain they’d caused others.
Here’s what I didn’t realize: I’d become bitter. Hateful, Negative.
And I was so consumed by wanting to see justice—or really, revenge—that I couldn’t see anything else. I was stuck in victim mode.
Blaming everyone else. Judging everyone. Constantly negative. Needing to be right. And so impatient with anyone who didn’t see things my way.
Maybe that’s you right now. Maybe you’re so angry at someone—or at the world—that it’s starting to poison everything.
Because that’s where I was. And I justified it. “I have a right to be angry,” I’d tell myself. “They deserve to face consequences.”
And you know what? I wasn’t wrong about that. They did deserve consequences.
But my anger?
That wasn’t about justice. It was about control. And bitterness. And unforgiveness.
Romans 12:19 says: “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”
God was trying to tell me: That’s not your job. Vengeance belongs to Me. You’re trying to carry something you were never meant to carry.
But I wasn’t listening.
Is there someone or something you’re holding anger toward right now? Someone you’re waiting to see “get what they deserve”
I see you. And I get it. But I also want to tell you: holding onto that is destroying you more than it’s hurting them.
SECTION 3: THE ISOLATION – God Removing Distractions
So here’s where things got interesting.
As I was spiralling deeper into anger, bitterness, and all the wrong things… God started isolating me.
Now, I didn’t see it that way at the time.
At the time, it felt like rejection. Like people were pulling away. Like I was being left behind.
But looking back? I can see it clearly.
God was removing distractions. Stripping away the noise. Creating space for Him to work in me.
Friendships shifted. Some people drifted. My world got smaller. Quieter.
And in that quiet, God started whispering.
Hosea 2:14 says: “Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her.”
God takes us into the wilderness – into isolation – not to punish us, but to speak to us.
To get our attention. To do the deep work that can only happen when everything else is stripped away.
And slowly – really slowly – I started to hear Him again. Not audibly. But in my spirit.
In that quiet inner knowing. He started showing me things about myself I didn’t want to see.
My judgment. My hatred. My constant negativity. My need to always be right.
And it was uncomfortable. REALLY uncomfortable.
But it was also… healing.
Maybe you’re in a season of isolation right now. Maybe God’s pulling you away from everything familiar, and it feels lonely or confusing. If that’s you, I want you to consider this: maybe that’s exactly where He’s doing His deepest work in you.
SECTION 4: THE LESSONS – What He’s Been Teaching Me
So what has God been teaching me in this season?
Let me walk you through some of the big ones.
And as I share these, I’d love to know—what’s God been teaching YOU lately? Drop a comment.
Lesson 1: Forgiveness over revenge.
I had to learn – and I’m still learning, still working on it every day – that forgiving someone doesn’t mean what they did was okay. It means I’m releasing my right to make them pay for it. It means I’m releasing the anger and hurt so my heart can heal.
Forgiveness is more for us than for those who hurt us. It means I’m trusting God to handle it.
Because He’s the final judge, not me.
Colossians 3:13: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Lesson 2: Grace first, not judgment.
I realized that my constant judgment – of people, of situations, of everything – wasn’t changing anyone’s heart. It was just making me bitter.
But grace? Grace opens doors. Grace invites conversation. Grace changes hearts.
That doesn’t mean I don’t have discernment. It just means I lead with kindness instead of condemnation.
Romans 2:4: “God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance.”
Not His harshness. His kindness.
Lesson 3: Seeing the other side.
God started showing me that people who hurt me? They were hurting too. That doesn’t excuse their behavior. But it does help me see them as broken people, not just villains.
And when I can see them that way, it’s easier to pray for them instead of wishing harm on them.
Lesson 4: Taking accountability.
This was a hard one.
Because it meant admitting that I wasn’t just a victim.
I’d made choices. I’d allowed people to influence me. I’d let bitterness take root.
And I had to own that.
Galatians 6:4-5: “Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.”
Lesson 5: Staying grounded when the world is ugly.
The world IS ugly right now. There IS injustice. There ARE horrific things happening.
But I can’t let that consume me. I can’t let fear and anger dictate how I live. I have to stay grounded in God…in His truth, His peace, His sovereignty – even when everything around me feels chaotic.
John 16:33: “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
These lessons? I’m still learning them. Still walking them…Every single day.
I don’t have it all figured out. But I’m not where I was. And that’s something.
So tell me—what lessons have been hard but necessary in your life? I really want to hear. Comment below.
SECTION 5: PREPARING OUR HEARTS FOR CHRISTMAS
So here’s why I’m sharing all of this now.
As we step into December…into Christmas, into this season of preparing for Christ’s coming – I think we need to shift our focus.
We spend so much time preparing our homes. Decorating. Shopping. Planning meals. Making everything look perfect.
But what about our hearts?
What if this December, we focused less on the external and more on the internal?
What if we asked God: “What do You want to prepare in ME?”
Here’s what I’m learning. Preparing my heart means:
Acknowledging where I am honestly. Not pretending I’m fine when I’m not. Asking God to show me what needs changing. And being willing to hear the answer.
Choosing grace over judgment. In my relationships, in how I see the world, in how I see myself.
Trusting Him with the outcomes. Letting go of my need to control, to see justice, to make things happen.
Staying grounded in Him, not the chaos. Choosing His peace over the world’s fear. Luke 1:17 says: “…to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.”
That’s what Christmas is about.
Not perfect decorations. A prepared heart.
So here’s my question for you: What does preparing your heart look like this December? What’s one thing God’s asking you to release? To change? To surrender?
Think about it. And if you’re comfortable, share it in the comments.
Let’s walk this journey together.
Ok Grace seeker, I’m still on this journey. I don’t have it all figured out. I’m still learning how to forgive, how to release control, how to trust God when the world feels dark.
But I’m learning. And I’d love for you to walk it with me.
Here’s what I’d love for you to do:
First, download my free Season of Light guide HERE. It’ll help you prepare your heart, not just your house, this December.
And second, leave a comment. Tell me your story! Where are you on this journey? What’s God been teaching you? I read every single one, and I’d love to hear from you.
Next week, we’re talking about “Being the Light When You Feel Like You’re Drowning in Darkness” Because once we’ve prepared our hearts, we get to shine His light into the darkness.
Until then, take a deep breath. Let go of what you’re not meant to carry. And trust that God is preparing you for something beautiful!
